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What time is it?
Roxy: It is currently 4:36 PM here. |
Ask-a-Queer
Ask A Queer is an LGBT, or as we like to put it, queer blog, ran by queers, dispatching queer advice to you from all around the world. Shipping free.
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Right, okay. |
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Thanks fir the advice it was great:)
Roxy: Anytime! :) |
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When I was about fifteen or sixteen, I came out to my immediate family as bisexual. They weren't homophobic, but they weren't exactly accepting either. I got the 'it's a phase' 'you'll grow out of it' etc. reaction. Aside from one or two incidents, my sexuality was never brought up or discussed, as if I never said anything. I'm twenty now and I'm consider coming out to my parents, again. They were right that bisexuality was a phase, because now I identify as completely queer. My fear is that I'll just be brushed under the rug again. I'd like to know how to deal with the 'it never happened' reaction in case this happens.
Ronna: Make sure they understand it’s important to you that they don’t ignore it because it is a part of who you are, and you want them to embrace it. Without it, without openness, they won’t be able to form a strong, successful relationship with you. Get that message across. Joe: How important is it for you to have them know? Ronna is right though, you have to make it clear to them that it’s an important part of you and you want to feel free to talk about it around them. |
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I'm homo-romantic asexual. My friend is queer. We're incredibly close, to the point where her mother calls us soul mates and we laugh and agree. (We’re both out to her parents.) Should I ask her out? I don't know if she likes me romantically and she goes to school quite a bit away but she knows me better than I know myself and she loves my despite my various insanities. I can't stand the thought of ruining our friendship, but I feel that we wouldn't let something (compared to, say, murder) so trivial keep us from being friends.
Roxy: Well to be honest don’t ask her out if you don’t have a good feelings. If you think she has some kind of romantic feelings towards you then I think you should give it a shot and see where it takes you instead of wondering what could have been and “what if’s” If you’re more sure she only thinks of you as a friend then well, I personally wouldn’t risk it. In the end it all comes down to how you both feel. |
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Hey, so I am a 16 year old girl and I have never dated or kissed or done anything with either sex and I guess I always assumed I was straight, but never thought about the other sex. Recently I have felt more inclinations to women than to men. I feel equally about them sexually though. I don't really know what I am. yet. this is kind of a ramble. do you have any advice? Roxy: Well in all honesty I don’t think their is a complete solution or something. You could come out as Bisexual or Pansexual which is basically liking anyone regardless of gender. Or you know, you don’t have to put a label on it, you just like who you like and that’s that. Joe: I second what Roxy’s said here. Keep an open mind, in the end, what does it matter if you fit into a label, just like who ever you like. |
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Hello... this question is about one of my best friends. It'll make more sense if you read some of his stuff first... so this is his tumblr: http://hopingforsomeromance.tumblr.com/ his latest post sums up a lot of the things he's been talking to me about for a good year or so now and I'm really scared for him. I try to let him know that I'm here for him, and his other friends are there for him. He knows he can use my home as a bolthole if ever he needs to... but somehow I don't feel that I'm doing enough for him. How can I make him feel wanted, accepted? Maybe it'll be easier when we head off for uni next year but then I'll be scared cause he'll be on his own, and he's vunerable enough as it is and I'm genuinely scared that all his feelings about being gay will be enhanced when we all leave for uni. I don't know what to do, this is a bit of a babble and doesn't make much sense I'm sorry but I really, really need advice. I don't want to lose my best friend. Ronna: Hey, the link doesn’t work - but do you think you could outline for us what do you mean? I don’t really want to raid somebody’s private space… |
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first of all, i'll start by apologizing. i can't tell a short story. so on that note...i guess the basic question is how do i know if i'm gay or not? and even those aren't the right words. so, story time. i was raised in a very open minded house hold. my mom always told me that she didn't care who i ended up with, as long as i was happy. hell, she's even bi (though she's settled down nicely with a wonderful man now). i had a gay best friend for four years until he moved away, and shortly after 'replaced' him with a lesbian. i was part of our gay straight alliance in school. i've been and active participant in this world for a long time. but, i've always been straight. my friends, both homosexual and straight, always joke that i'm a lesbian and i don't know it yet. i always laughed them off, not thinking anything of it. i mean, i ALWAYS had a boy friend. until now, the longest i've been with out someone was like, a month. but now, i'm going on five and i'm starting to wonder...are my friends right? it's not that i've had horrible experiences with boys and am 'going lesbo' it's just now i have time to think and i can't help but wonder. i've been that straight that drunkenly makes out with girls. i didn't not like it. the thought of groping a boobie or two doesn't make me cringe, and i've never been one to deny a hot girls attraction. but the thought of doing anything else completely grosses me out. going down on a girl? ew. so am i just that open minded/accepting or have i just not met/seen/dreamt of the right girl yet? again, sorry it's long. i asked this else where, it just hasn't been answered yet. and i could really use the advice. i don't even care about going anon, reply in my ask if you have to just...ugh, words please. <3 Ronna: I’m afraid you’re asking the wrong person: it’s yourself you should be asking that, as I’m sure you have, we can’t give you a reason or answer to your thoughts or feelings. All I can say is, just take it as it comes and you’ll find out eventually. |
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hey im 17 and was never really into boys or dating or anything i just wasnt bothered about it but there was this girl in my class who just always made my day and i loved spending time an all with her i never guessed her to be gay an always just thought of her as a friend but sometimes id find myself wishing she was more than that. but she came out as being gay and then my feelings for her went a little bizerk but she said she didnt like me in that way and shes now going out with this other girl and im finding it really hard to get over her because she was like my best friend but now im just confused as to weather im gay straight or bi. its not like iv never found guys attractive and im just slightly confused as i never thought myself gay til she came out. i live in a small town and it isnt openly open to gayness so i can only really talk about to my friend but i find that sort of hard as i still like her and it makes it odd. thanks for listening im sorry i went on a bit im not even sure iv got my point across i just felt i needed to get it of my chest. thank u
Ronna: Questioning is good. Heterosexuality and heteronormativity is drilled into us from an early age. I remember watching this show which is basically a camera following this celebrity in his daily life. One of his little boys was running around saying he wants to kiss boys. The guy took his son and went, “No, you want to kiss girls”. That’s conditioning. And I don’t think even the adults realise what they’re doing half the time. I thought I was straight for 14 years of my life - without a single doubt. I grew up in a tiny town with no form of knowledge about homosexuality. Then I moved to London and started questioning. So, all the possibility in the world that you’re not straight. As for the girl… yeah, there’s a lot of girls on the gay scene who had this “so I fell for my best friend” experience and unfortunately had to move on from it. You know what? Cherish the friendship. Try not to expect anything more ‘cause you’ll be likely to get hurt that way. It’s better to be positively surprised than to wish and wait and long for something that might never come, no? Good luck chica. |
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I'm genderqueer, and while I spend most of the time dressed as my biological gender (female), I'd like to be able to pass as a guy sometimes. Dress and posture aren't a problem, but my voice is a dead give-away. Nearly everything I can find on this is geared towards transmen and just says to use testosterone, which naturally I don't want to do considering the relative risks and benefits for me. Are there ways to temporarily change my voice to sound masculine?
Ronna: There’s exercises you can do to deepen your voice, or rather, widen it’s range - here’s a couple of links I’ve found for you. 1, 2, 3. As with anything though, you’ll have to commit to a routine. If these links aren’t enough just google voice deepening exercises - there should be some videos on youtube too. Joe: As Ronna said there are exercises you can do, which may be worth doing. They work with most people. There’s other tricks, like drinking milk before you go to sleep. It supposedly makes your voice marginally deeper. These things will only help to an extent though, you will not be able to get the same tone as a broken voice. |
